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At long last, I've begun drawing again. It has not been easy. As you probably have read, the completion of the deck too a lot out of me. To recap, though I finished painting late in June, I had to work on the formatting and all the publishing and production odds and ends. Anyway, after the deck released in October, I was utterly spent. I seriously spent a solid month just sleeping and watching tv, and avoiding email...
The painting is the first large painting I have done in a long time. Not since I used acrylics have I painted something this size. I don't know why, I was just possessed to use a large canvas. Do you like it? It's only just begun of course, and now I type this while I wait for the canvas to dry. One thing I'm finding with using a large sheet of paper is that it bubbles up and ripples up worse than a smaller canvas. I hope this dries flat. I also hope this doesn't suck.
I broke my car yesterday.
I went to the county fair last night and of course they park you in a field. Well, coming out of the field to the concrete road, there was a significant dip that I didn't see with all the grass. Bam. So, there is a bar underneath my car right behind the bumper that I'm pretty sure is the frame. That metal bar is bent downward. And I sprung the bumper on the left hand side. Fortunately that part wasn't bad, and I pushed on it and it popped back into place. But the bend metal is of some concern. I do not need to tell you, I did not need this right now. It's going to be expensive to fix I fear. I think I might vomit.
That's really the worst part of the week so far. Its been a bad week with a lot of angst and stress and crabbiness and other not fun emotional times.
The tarot proof was sent back successfully yesterday, they should be getting it this afternoon. I'm very pleased by how beautiful the colors on the cards came out. Very good color matching to the original paintings. Even in the smallness of the cards, the detail is still preserved. So as of this afternoon, the printing company will have the final approval and will start the prep process. They may start printing as early as next Wednesday. Turn around time is 4 weeks from the time they receive the approval to the time I have the deck in my hands. Four weeks. I can't believe how close we are. After five years, this last bit of time is the hardest. I am patient, I think these 4 weeks will pass quickly. I do have things I'm doing in the next few weeks, so my brain will hopefully not dwell on the deck and make me crazy.
I’ve been done with the tarot for just shy of a week, and I have the post-tarot blues. I guess its only natural, I was working on the deck for 5 years. It feels so weird being done, you know? Spending so much time on one thing leaves this big empty hole inside when you don’t have that activity to fill it.
On Wednesday last week, Michelle and I went over to Christine Filipak and Joseph Vargo’s house and they helped us format the deck into the proper file layout for the printer. It was amazing to see the deck all put together in the file, but my stomach was such a mess from all the stress. I swear, I was near to tears when we finished. It was just all the emotions of the last two years, all rolled up into one big package. It was release, it was catharsis, and it came with tears. I called the printer on Thursday and signed the contract and payed the down payment. That night, I came home and just wandered around the house completely lost. By Friday afternoon I felt better, and the last couple days I have felt actually happy. Relieved. It has honestly been a long time since I have felt… relaxed… I guess that’s what this feeling is anyway. I feel so much relief. I don’t have this whole big pressing project weighing me down. I can do whatever I want, I have free time again. I wish I knew what to do with it. Free time. You long for it when you don’t have it, and when you finally get it you don’t know what to do with yourself. Like me, I had all these ideas of what I was going to do when I finished the deck. Well, for the past five days after finishing, I have done nothing. I wander around, I watch tv, I’ve read some. For fun I even reorganized my file drawer in my art room. Sick, isn’t it? I mean, who reorganizes their file drawer for fun on a WEEKEND??!! Sheesh. I’m so lame, filing on a weekend.
I still don’t know what to do with myself. I need a new project to fill the void. I don’t like voids. I really do feel lost and empty right now. Relaxed, happy, but empty.
Don't forget, I've moved my blog to my website: http://www.spiralfirestudio.com/blog/
Find me there!
tell you about the Tarot News - mostly because this is the biggest thing in
my world and its all I've been focusing on for like... forever?? Feels like
it. Someone please feed me chocolate when I'm done, or get me to a massage
therapist. I'm gonna need both.
*Tarot Update* - I have created the card back and the card box. Sounds
simple right? I have to tell you, this part of the process has been the
hardest. The card back took me 12 hours to make. Would have taken longer
if it hadn't been for Christine at Monolith Graphics who helped by doing the
border on the card back. 12 straight hours of detailed painting on a wing
design, and then scanning it into photoshop and trying to create the
cleanest card design possible. I had to do things in Photoshop I had never
done before. I love Photoshop, but unlike my graphic design friends who use
all of its apps regularly, I in comparison know very little and struggled
with each application in the program. But the result is stunning. Well,
stunning to me, but you know I'm a total perfectionist and wouldn't be happy
if it wasn't a very beautiful design. Trust me, I think you'll like it.
*Tarot Release* - It is almost time. The Watcher Angel Tarot will go on
pre-sale on *Tuesday, June 21, 2011*. The deck official release date
is *October
21, 2011*. To kick off the Tarot pre-sale, Michelle and I will be doing a
live Twitter to YouTube chat on Monday June 20th at 6:30 EST, and Tuesday
the 21st same time. We will be taking questions from fans of the deck via
Twitter (@sethanikeem and @spiralingfire) and answering them live. We'll
also take a bunch of those detailed questions and answer them via YouTube
video chat and post it immediately. So if you have questions about the deck
that you would like answered, post them here and I'll print them out for our
chat, or hit us up on Monday.
I don't mind saying, it is extremely important that our pre-sale go well.
If we can't raise enough money in the pre-sale, we can't publish the deck
whose cost for just the printing alone sits at an astounding $8500. Scary
isn't it. So please, please help me make this dream a reality and encourage
people to pre-order a tarot deck. I have been hard at work on my website
with a new design and all sorts of features, and am putting up a new
*Store*this weekend on which the deck can be pre-ordered. Check out
*http://www.spiralfirestudio.com* later today when the site is totally up, I
think you will be very happy with it.
Hugs to all, thank you for all your continued support of my art!
Jackie
For the next few weeks, I will be focusing on wrapping up the tarot deck.
This is not as simple or as fun as it sounds. In fact, if anyone wants to
know what the hardest part of the tarot process is, it would be this time
now - the production time. I'm not enjoying this, not even a little. I
wish I could just dump all this on someone else and say "have fun!" but I
can't. Though I am glad to be done painting the deck, the deck is still not
finished. No one thinks about the trials of production when they think
about an art project like this. There is plenty of effort to be made just
to bring this deck to fruition so that it can be purchased... not to mention
putting together $10K for the production costs... sheesh... So what's left
you ask? Plenty. Why am I not working on any other projects? Why am I not
working on the website? Jesus people, give me a break. After five years I
am still not done. This is crunch time and I have about a month to get this
all in order, in addition to working my regular job and all the other crap
in my life. In no particular order (since it's all being done about the
same time):
1. Format all the images
2. Merge all the images with the card border, adding the text to the
card.
3. Re-do the card back design
4. Layout the mini-book
5. Design the box!!! (eep!!!!)
6. Design a signature card
7. Apply for a UPC code and ISBN number
8. Send all the files to the publisher and then work with them on the
color, wait for proofs
9. Re-do the website in total
10. Make a store for the website for the pre-sale of the decks
11. Figure out taxes... ugh...
12. Make one-sheet advertisements for marketing to stores, send out
advertisements!
13. Locate a place to hold the tarot release party
14. Pray I don't go crazy in the next few weeks.
I know I am forgetting things, but you get the idea. The tarot, although
finished with the painting, is still in progress. It all seems like a lot,
but really I should be able to get this done in a month and send the tarot
to print in July. We're aloting 2 months for the test print, print, and
delivery, getting the deck in late September. We are still planning for the
release date of October 21 and I think I will have the party on the 22nd.
Saturday's are just easier for everyone.
But again, strange to not be working on the tarot anymore. I started an Italian White VIne illumination last night, which is about the first time in nearly two years that I have done an illumination. It was so weird to draw in a style not of the Tarot, I really had a difficult time switching gears. I need to make two scrolls for a friend in the SCA, for a Court Barony, and both in the White Vine style. I will post progress pics on Twitter, it should be really nice when its done. I'll finish drawing the first one up today and start the gilding process.
Michelle also has some short stories that I'm going to illustrate, some black&white pen art I think. Color is nice, but I do love pen art. I may poke around on that this weekend. The illumination doesn't have a deadline, so I can paint for a while and then take a break if I need to.
I don't really have big plans for the weekend. I was thinking that I might want to bbq something, probably make a trip to my favorite butcher. I do need to go to the mall and get some work clothes... god, I am SO boring right now!! (blah) Probably will just hang around and muck around with some art. I planted tomato plants last weekend. If they survive being waterlogged with all the rain this week, I hope to make chilli and such in a few short months. Ugh... I'm boring even to me!!!
I hope everyone else is doing more exciting things than I am. I feel like my brain is taking a vacation and is sitting in my skull watching the grass grow. I think I'm just exhausted on a few levels. The worst part is, not having a project is making me feel a little crazy. I've been projecting for 5 years now, thinking only of one thing. This is like losing a job or something. I honestly don't know what to do with myself and nothing is truly interesting to me at the moment. Like, I keep searching for something to do, and little things aren't fulfilling. Seriously, if its not a project, I don't know how to look at it or how to feel about it. Its partly why I keep looking at grad school. Long scoping project to eat my time and focus me. Gah...
I would like to introduce you to the final addition to the Tarot deck - The Seeker card. The Seeker card is not part of any suit, nor part of the major arcana. It is a card outside the tarot. It is "the querent" card. In a tarot reading, the reader always has a card in the spread to represent him / her. But to do that, they must remove a card from the deck, and thus remove a card from the possible cards to draw from. This card is meant to give the reader the option - to use a card outside the deck yet part of the deck - a card that represents the Seeker in all of us.
Can you guess who this is?
This is Eilfie Music.
Well, after a rather lengthy hiatus, I am back on LJ for the time being. This is largely due to the gentle nagging of my friend Chris. I took a break over the last few months while I finished the deck. I also sorta started posting more to Twitter and Facebook than I do here. Its not that I don't like blogging, but I'm starting to really be annoyed by LJ and the steady string of advertisements. Also, I'm not too sure that many people post here or read here anymore. So I started trying to put together a new website that would incorporate an RSS blog (as well as other things like a gallery and store). This is not going well. This does not make me happy. I am hating Wordpress more and more and have this increasing desire to chuck my computer across the room, more or less because Wordpress itself cannot be chucked across a room. Sigh... Wordpress is just too inflexible for someone more familiar with Dreamweaver.
Anyway, I finished the tarot deck everyone!!! Yay!!!! I'll post more about that in a bit.
What else... I'm still working at the same job. It is still making me crazy. I'm hoping this purported "rapture" improves the job market by reducing the number of people looking for work. I very much want to return to education directly, its where I was happiest. So I'm looking at the master's programs at Kent State and Akron. I hate the idea of going back into debt, I am still after all paying off my undergrad loans. However, an advanced degree should help, at least thats the theory.
I taught at Convocation in February in Detroit. Classes went well, I taught a psychic practicum workshop, a grounding and shielding workshop, and a class on textual amulets. I don't think I'll go back for 2012, unless I'm a special guest. I don't want to shell out $320 for a hotel room again. That plus food and gas... its just too expensive. I feel that if I'm a teacher for 3 of their classes, the least they could do is offer to comp me one night of my stay. Maybe that's asking too much, but when you have to arrive on Thursday and leave on Sunday, one night isn't a lot to request, especially when its my time I'm donating.
Went to New Orleans in February. Came home, finished the deck two weeks later, and yeah. My life since December. Work, class prep, painting, more painting, last push on painting, and then collapse. I've been watching a lot of Netflix and letting my brain just chill. That and fighting with my website.
More later!
Here they are, the 8 of Wands - "Movement" - depicting the magical progression where the mage masters the out-of-body experience. And, the 9 of Wands - "Perseverance" - depicting the mage struggling to keep many efforts going, to keep all the energy moving, to keep it from crashing down on him.
 |  |
So if any of you out there are counting down with me, you should know this -- 8. Cards. Left...
Yes, 8 cards to go in the countdown. Are you excited?
I have been so upset by this, that I had to help an animal die again. It is so much easier when a person dies, at least you can talk to them and they understand. An animal... well, it's harder to get them to understand. Tina, my cat, had understood and been ready to die when I had to take her. Though I was a total mess, I could still feel her and knew that she was ready, even if I wasn't. She passed right through me when she died, it was the strangest feeling. And then later that day, she returned to my apartment. But this little dog, my god how guilty I feel right now for doing what I know had to be done. I hate it, I hate how I feel, I hate that I had to do it, and I feel like shit for doing it. I feel so very, very guilty and sad. Her face is ever before me now. I cried most of last night. Sleep can be a blessing though, for when I woke up, her face and that memory of holding her little head between my hands is foremost in my thoughts. My brain feels like a cracked record, it repeats it and repeats it, over and over again. She was so sick, yet still fought for life right through the end. She loved and trusted us, and we brought her death. I don't care that it had to be done, you and I can sit and reason and rationalize this till hell freezes over. She didn't understand. That's the point. And now I hurt. I think I hurt worse than my mom and sister. My mom, I told her that Snoopy was alright. But I hurt because I held her when my mother and sister couldn't bear it. I hurt because I tried to give transition to a dog who would not go, and it scared me terribly to think that maybe I did something wrong, that I failed, or that god forbid she was somehow trapped inside her body. I know that isn't true, that you don't get trapped inside your body when you die, but she wouldn't leave, she was still there, and inside I was freaking out even if outside I was being stoic. I hope she finds peace, I know she probably already has. I hope she understands and forgives me. I hope I can move past this quickly, I can't stand feeling like this. I know what had to be, but what my cognitive side says and what my heart says do not always agree.
